I no longer have that tan line on my wrist where I usually position my watch. I do not wear a watch anymore. Being a freelancer, I own the time. I have power over it.  I can watch any TV show to my heart’s content. I can can catch up on my reading. I can develop this blog into a daily exercise in writing. The house will be in order. Everything will be in its perfect place. I can give Martha Stewart a run for her money.

Well, that’s what I thought. It is still time who owns me. Not having deadlines and a schedule to follow can be tough. I find myself finishing a book in one month. I used to finish a book in less than a week.  I clean the house only when I am expecting guests. I do laundry when I do not have anything to wear anymore. I do not even get to watch local TV shows as often as I want. My cousin and I were in a conversation and he blurted out, “What’s ‘sulit’? It is when you get more than what you paid for.” I thought he suddenly became articulate while I was away on a trip. As it turned out, it is a line delivered by Kris Aquino in a Nido commercial.

I am writing this because when I met up with friends last week to catch upon our lives, I find it hard to explain to them what I do. I am a housewife without a husband. I am sister who is an orphan. I am busy but unemployed. I am a boss without a staff.

Ironically, the thought question of the day on this site is:

My answer: I follow my heart. NAKS!

I love this life. Even if I only earn pennies freelancing, I am happy. I am available to anyone who needs me.  When my aunt needs company to check out something, I am there. When a friend needs a ear to listen to her woes, I am there.  When my cousin needs tutoring in her assignments, I am there.  I can have long conversations with anyone anytime.  (Well, unless I am asleep, sleepy or I left my phone in the room. ) I am able to cultivate relationships with people who matter to me. The material things do not matter.  I only need the basics to survive- food, water, air and shelter (with a little traveling on the side).

The thing is: this might not be forever.  There might be a time in the future when I will be married again to a regular job. As I have experienced, it often takes a priority role in my life.  This life of spontaneity will come to its end. I hope that I find the balance between a career and the relationships I sowed.

Since that has not happened yet, I savor every moment I have right now. When my cousin came yesterday bringing durian with the condition that I can only eat that fleshy piece of heaven if I accompany him to his errands, I hurriedly changed from my ratty house clothes into some decent attire. Beads of sweat trickled down my shiny face as I dressed up in this warm weather. I had no time to shower. I think the deodorant, powder and cologne did its magic.  I treasure unplanned road trips and spur-of-the-moment joy ride to undiscovered nooks in the city. The kind of freedom to do things in a spur-of-the-moment is precious.

I now find the tan lines on my feet outlining the band in my slippers. I like it. It shows that I have stepped out of comfortable shade and enjoyed the sunshine.

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